Relief

The most interesting thing happened about three weeks ago, and while I thought I should keep it to myself, I'm having a change of mind. While the back-story is way-longer than I can write here, it's kind of important. So, here is the condensed version:

I have never been a successful dater. In the seldom occurrence that I meet a woman and things appear to be working out, things have always ended up with her having a change of heart/mind and then neglecting to tell me. Usually another member of the male species is the motivating factor. Now, whether or not these few women can do better is not the debate here; I'm just setting the stage. So, after loving a woman who hated me, being replace and not informed multiple times, and strung along for months with no end in sight until I finally had to give up, I realized that this is one game I'm never going to win. It was the final experience that brought me to this realization. I didn't just give up on her and the relationship. I gave up on the whole notion that 'love' is something I am ever going to attain or experience.

Now, I'm not looking for a digital pity party here. There is a point to this ramble. The experience of giving up on the notion of ever finding romantic 'love', you know, that thing everybody in music, television, print, church, family, and your own subconscious says you'll never be happy without, has been incredibly freeing. It's like my mind is more clear, focused, and content than it has ever been. I can focus on the things that I have or like to do more intently and enjoy them more now that I'm not dwelling on being 'alone'. Now, don't get me wrong; I still have lonely nights. And, the desire to have somebody to hold can still be pretty intense. I believe that's natural. But, I feel better now that I'm comfortable with the probability that it won't happen for me. I guess I have learned to live with a situation that I cannot change. Also, I have many great things in my life to be appreciative of:

A strong Christian faith that gives me hope for the perpetual future
My very supportive and loving family
A growing circle of friends that I enjoy and CAN RELY ON
A great job with a stable company
An appreciation and sense of accomplishment that comes with pursuing my hobbies (tennis and music)
My personal health

Now, there are those people who are going to say things like "Well, your job, health and hobbies won't keep you warm at night" OR "No woman, you're still a loser". My answers respectively "I have a blanket for that, and it's worked in many forms for 26+ years" AND "You, sir, can kiss my ass." I feel better than I have in a long time; things are good.

Be Well,

Dave